I have no less than three fabulous, entertaining, intellectually rigorous blogs ready to be fleshed out and edited to a fine sheen that I in my infinite benevolence could bestow upon you Right Now.

If I weren't so fucking irritated.

I. Hate. Taxes.

I don't want to hear about procrasti--SHUT THE F*CK UP ALREADY. Don't. Wanna. Hearit.

Why is it that the only two things we can rely upon to be there for us during the course of our lives are death and taxes? Why couldn't it be a satisfying career and a healthy sex life? Or a benevolent government that doesn't fritter away our hard-earned dollars and spend our social security savings and good cholesterol? Or a nice ass and an unerring ability to determine whether food is still ok to eat? Or good cell phone reception and a short commute? Why why why?

I just want something to believe in!

Also, people who "don't have a head for math" should be provided accountants by the federal government free of charge. And then we'll, like, write the thank you notes for your wedding gifts, or something. For a nominal fee.

I just want to know: If everybody has to do taxes, why aren't they more fuzzy? Why aren't they color-coded? Why don't I get a star sticker when I finish? Why aren't the different sections each associated with a Disney character? Did you fill out your Bugs Bunny? Yeah, I'm almost done with it. I just need to get the numbers from my Bambi and I'll be able to turn the whole Goofy in.

I guess what I'm asking is WHY AREN'T THEY IDIOT-PROOF? Come on people! I can't be the only moron out there!

...

Hoookaaaaaay then.

Guess I'll go read up on my tax law. I can be a CPA in addition to being a Certified Self-Grocery Checker and Personal Travel Agent for Me. I can put that hat on too! I will cheerfully wear it while attempting to squelch any gruesome fantasies about the untimely deaths of people whose relatives do their taxes for them! I don't resent them one bit! I embrace my adulthood and the neverending to do list of bothersome, repetitive, time-consuming, semi-meaningless chores that accompanies it! Yes indeed.