I bet you’re all wondering why I hate cactuses.
Or cacti.
Is it cacti? MS Word is giving me the green squiggly.
Ok, according to Merriam-Webster, it’s cacti – or cactuses.
See? It’s always a problem when there’s more than one of ‘em.
I went for a hike this weekend. It was a glorious, glorious day (see picture, previous post). The kind you can only appreciate in a state where rain is a constant companion, like Arizona. The sun was gentle and warm, the breeze just soft enough. The gravel crunched under my feet. Birds chirped. Sweaty kids road by on mountain bikes. It was one of those days where you just feel like all the good energy of the growing plants and a sun that rises and sets no matter what is just flowing into your veins, and you look up at the pale blue sky, out at the cool water trickling like lifeblood through the mountains to thirsty plants, and down at your feet, and realize there’s a cactus stuck to your ankle.
Ah, you think, the endlessly ingenious variations that Mother Nature has bestowed upon her children, as you gently grasp at the cactus spines.
But as tolerant of the cactus as you are, the cactus is not tolerant of you, the little fucker.
Deciding that it’s time to get serious with this plant, you pull at it harder, only to watch in horror as your skin stretches from your body and the cactus shows no signs of relinquishing your skin. And then a spine sticks you under your thumbnail. Mo$*(7@th34rFU&*ck#R!, you think.
And then your dog jumps into a cactus.
He is instantly coated in a layer of spines from the underside of his chin to in between his toes.
...And then he bites you while you brace him between your knees and try to get them off with a rock!
...And then people coming down the road laugh because they see a girl apparently riding an albino great dane!
...And then they get closer and see that she is hysterical!
...And then you still have that goddamn motherfucking cactus stuck to your ankle, and now there’s one stuck to your shin as well! F&#KERS!
That, my friends, is why I hate cacti.
Or cacti.
Is it cacti? MS Word is giving me the green squiggly.
Ok, according to Merriam-Webster, it’s cacti – or cactuses.
See? It’s always a problem when there’s more than one of ‘em.
I went for a hike this weekend. It was a glorious, glorious day (see picture, previous post). The kind you can only appreciate in a state where rain is a constant companion, like Arizona. The sun was gentle and warm, the breeze just soft enough. The gravel crunched under my feet. Birds chirped. Sweaty kids road by on mountain bikes. It was one of those days where you just feel like all the good energy of the growing plants and a sun that rises and sets no matter what is just flowing into your veins, and you look up at the pale blue sky, out at the cool water trickling like lifeblood through the mountains to thirsty plants, and down at your feet, and realize there’s a cactus stuck to your ankle.
Ah, you think, the endlessly ingenious variations that Mother Nature has bestowed upon her children, as you gently grasp at the cactus spines.
But as tolerant of the cactus as you are, the cactus is not tolerant of you, the little fucker.
Deciding that it’s time to get serious with this plant, you pull at it harder, only to watch in horror as your skin stretches from your body and the cactus shows no signs of relinquishing your skin. And then a spine sticks you under your thumbnail. Mo$*(7@th34rFU&*ck#R!, you think.
And then your dog jumps into a cactus.
He is instantly coated in a layer of spines from the underside of his chin to in between his toes.
...And then he bites you while you brace him between your knees and try to get them off with a rock!
...And then people coming down the road laugh because they see a girl apparently riding an albino great dane!
...And then they get closer and see that she is hysterical!
...And then you still have that goddamn motherfucking cactus stuck to your ankle, and now there’s one stuck to your shin as well! F&#KERS!
That, my friends, is why I hate cacti.
posted by R. at mercredi, mars 02, 2005
1 Comments:
I had my own similar run-in with a cactus. The cactus spines went through my pant leg into my knee as well as up my thigh. Some of these were almost three inches long. I got a lot of them out but some of them were so big I just couldn't pull them out through the jeans. I couldn't walk with them sticking in my knee and the only way that I could get them out was to take my pants down. As you know there aren't a lot of places to hide in the desert. So it was wonderful trying to find a place with the least amount of exposure to the many hikers and bikers passing by on this very popular trail.
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