Recorder, I hate you.

You got that?

What, you didn’t get that?

Surprise, surprise. Senile old piece of crap. Well at least tell me you got the last two interviews I did.

What’s that? It’s a little bit difficult to hear you.

You only got part of it?

…Ok, which part?

The part where I’m speaking?

Ok, what about the part where the person I’m interviewing is speaking?

…

You didn’t quite catch that?

You were napping?

I’m sorry, am I allowed to nap on the job?

Well, yes, but am I allowed to?

Ok then.

It’s an ear problem you say? I didn’t plug the cord into the right hole?

Oh, I see. So it’s not actually your fault.

You’re saying it’s my fault? I’ll have you know th-

What?

Ok.

Ok.

WHAT?

No, no. I appreciate you! Whatever you do, DO NOT MYSTERIOUSLY ERASE MY INTERVIEW WITH THE ANAL PEOPLE. YOU GOT THAT? I NEED THE INTERVIEW WITH THE ANAL PEOPLE FOR VERIFICATION PURPOSES!

…

Sorry.

I’m sorry, ok? I didn’t mean to yell.

Fine.

No. Hhhhhh. I won’t do it again.

Yes, I apologize for losing my temper. But it’s just that y-

Sorry, sorry. No, I won’t make excuses.

…

Nothing.

No, seriously, nothing.

I was just looking in your goddamn direction, ok?! It doesn’t mean I’m thinking about stepping on you repeatedly or attacking you with a stapler and distributing your innards all over the offi-

Uh. Nothing.

Nothing! Just forget it, ok? Anyway, we were talking about the interview I just did. I notice that my notes are missing as well.

Are you sure you know nothing about it?

You’re sure you’re sure?

You didn’t in a fit of peevishness tell my hard drive to erase all trace of the notes I took in case—Heaven forbid!--you, somehow, didn’t quite catch my interview?

You know nothing about that, huh?

Heh.

That’s really interesting. Because, I can’t seem to find those notes. Which means I will have to call up my interviewee and tell them I am a moron and didn’t record the interview or take notes and have the memory capacity of a paramecium.

WELL YOU SHOULD CARE! You godd*mn dim-witted non-recording doddering decrepit bulky—yes, bulky—archaic outdated inefficient imbecilic demonic Panasonic battery-operated ersatz miserable disgusting excuse for a recorder!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m going digital!!!!!!!!!! I swear I’ll do it!

…

Yes, I feel better now.

No, you’re right. It’s not in the budget.

Yes. I still hate you.