You would have to be an angel to clean out the poopstains in the office bathroom.

I salute you, poopy-toilet angel.

The very act requires a selflessness and goodwill I can’t even begin to comprehend. I mean, sure, it happens. But even if it happened on Monday and the cleaners don’t come til Saturday, there’s no way it would even cross my mind to do anything about it, even when the scrubby brush is sitting two inches from my hand. I just think, “Oh, that’s disgusting,” and move on. But some anonymous good Samaritan (likely an early riser!) actually thought to clean it, and did.

Which raises another important question: Who the hell leaves poopstains in the office bathroom on Monday and leaves it for someone else to clean!? Who DOES that?

Also: Who the hell would notice that?

Answer: Me.


Hhhhhhh.

Do you ever get the four o’clock sleepies? You know, that part of the day that has no godly purpose other than being time for a good nap? Right, employers of the world? RIGHT? Listen, do you know how much more productive I would be if you just put a little cot/plush couch in a cozy corner of the office, dedicated to letting tired workers refresh their minds and bodies? Having dedicated nap spaces could seriously improve worker productivity and boost margins marvelously! Or keep me from mindlessly f*cking around on the Internet for two hours, which would at least make me feel more productive. Oh! Oh! It would also improve my health, because instead of imbibing potentially carcinogenic diet drinks with caffeine and eating chocolate to stay awake, I would take a healthy nap and eat a carrot when I woke up.

I would, I promise! That could seriously improve my long-term working potential, because I can only imagine how heart attacks f*ck up your work schedule.

Much like having babies. Send good thoughts to my soon-to-be non-beachball boss-lady, who is giving birth at this very instant, god bless her!

She’d better be back tomorrow though. Like, hello! I’m so over having to make decisions I can be held accountable for!

By the way, even though I spend 90% of my time resting for work, driving to work, f*cking around at work (I wish), or recuperating from work, I do, in my infinite resourcefulness and fabulousness, manage to squeeze in other interesting things.

Like interviewing prospective students at my Alma Mater.

Of which more later.

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Ug. Thunder. What’s with this rain? I’m waiting for Noah to start rounding some of us cats up.

Thanks for listening. This is R., in Seattle, Arizona.