You know how the Native Americans in Alaska supposedly have, like, fifty words for snow?

Well, you'd think the inhabitants of Phoenix (I refuse to call the Phoenicians; it sounds too historically important) would have achieved a similar innovation.

But then, they are inhabitants of Phoenix.

But I mean, the heat is too much of a varied and ubiquitous element of life in the PHX to confine to just one word.

Every single gradation of heat should have its own word to describe not only the physical experience of the heat but the human connotations and emotional resonance as well!

There should be a word for cold (60 to 70 degrees), which implies both the gleeful sense of superiority PHXans feel when they think about how cold it is in Michigan and New York City and Boston, as well as an ever so slight impatience for warmer weather.

Then there should be a word for spring weather (70 to 82 degrees), which should suggest its brevity but also its perfection. But it should also have a certain careless disregard, because, hey, the weather's always perfect in PHX, so what's the big deal? Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go shopping. (Wait, we have weather?)

And there should be a word for the getting-up-there heat (83 to 95 degrees) that conveys a sense of apprehension and a sense of enjoyment that may just be a little forced.

Then there should be a word for 96 to 99 degrees that conveys a certain impatience - ok already, I get the point. I live in the desert. How long does summer last? Til October you say?

And finally there should be a word for really fucking hot (over 100 degrees). Perhaps "reallyfuckinghot" would do. Not that 96 - 99 isn't really fucking hot, but really, a distinction must be made between reallyfuckinghot and just hot. After you've lived in PHX for a while, just plain hot begins to feel pretty refreshing.

Fortunately, the weather the past few days has been gettingupthere to justplainhot, but I hear tomorrow it's going to be reallyfuckinghot.

I hate this state.