40 percent of Americans think abortion will be illegal in the United States within the next four years. I heard this on NPR today. This is insane.

Then again, these are probably the same people who think Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. What do they know, right? Hmph.

Unless they’re extremely pessimistic, disillusioned blue-staters, in which case, I have to say to you, extremely pessimistic, disillusioned blue-staters: stop being so damn pessimistic! Because pessimism in this case can become endorsement-by-default. Because a poll reflecting the opinion of people who may or may not have any clue what the f*ck they’re talking about actually affects other people’s opinions. Because basically, we’re all one big pack of lemmings, and we all want to be stampeding in the right direction.

Ok, not you. Or me. Because we’re really unique. But everybody else.

Think about it: Almost half of Americans think it will be illegal. That’s a hair away from half of Americans thinking it should be illegal. But how many people do you think actually notice the difference? Probably only anal editor-types like me, and there are precious few of us, let me tell you.

This is the first time my country’s politics has ever made me cry. Bad Bush, bad! I’m certainly not one to be shrill about a cause, because I generally consider myself to be in that group of people who may not have any clue what the f*ck they’re talking about, but dammit, women have been undergoing (and dying from) abortions since the dawn of time, and you think you can pass a law about it? Who the HELL are you to say? Do you think we do it because it’s fun?

Hm. “Dawn of time” eh? Note to self: do some damn research. Anyway, I never claimed to have any clue what the f*ck I’m talking about. But, I mean, it’s been going on since, like, forever. So, in my humble opinion, we’d prefer not to have to do it with a COATHANGER.

Holy sh*t, I do believe I have a developed a Political Awareness. And…according to my scale it weighs about five pounds. Can’t wait to get rid of the bugger.

Well, I have to say, that even though I am completely unfabulous, lodged in one endless, sprawling strip-mall of a city that is chewing up pristine desert by the minute, at least there’s NPR. Because I really missed NPR. In fact, NPR, I would even deign to work for you if you could open up an office in like, Glendale. What’s up with this Washington bullsh*t?

But seriously, I’m still fabulous, right?

...Dammit, I knew I should have taken that job at Hooters. I mean, how interesting would my life be if I worked there? Like, I’d have guys hitting on me all the time, chicken wings to serve, tables to bus… ok, it wouldn’t be that interesting. But, as good friend of mine suggested, I would have a kick-ass Halloween costume!!!

Anyway, I needn’t concern myself with such paltry insults to my overabundant talent. Really, it’s unbecoming of my status as …INTERVIEWEE! Yes, that’s right. I am officially a ’wee. All my hard work finally paid off. Can I put “Cover Letter Writer” on my resume yet? Because those beautiful babies are masterpieces, each and every one of ’em. But you noted that yesterday.

Oh, by the way, check out how much bloggers are making the news. Who’s fabulous now, huh? Aw yeah. Change my URL to MISSfabuLISS.blogspot.com.

(Am I blogging about blogging again? Gross.)

Anyway, I feel better. Maybe I misheard that whole dratted statistic. Can you be dyslexic at hearing? Because half my resumes had the wrong phone number on them, la la la. A 355 instead of 335 sort of thing. But that’s ok. Because it’s not like they would need to call me. Or anything.

So maybe it was like 0.04 percent. Now, tell everyone you know.