Well, I’ve just been so busy checking out all the fabulous job opportunities available in the Phoenix metro region that I just haven’t had a moment’s peace to write to you. And what with all the lucrative job offers I’ve received, you can’t imagine all the time I’ve spent comparing signing bonuses and dental plans! I mean, these HR managers get real pushy when they see a juicy candidate, and I must say that I’ve had just about enough of these fruit baskets! Why, I can hardly go to the bathroom without tripping over one, nevermind some pesky manager interrupting, wanting to take me out to lunch or give me complimentary courtside seats at the Suns or free Botox injections. They just won’t leave you alone! I must confess that I have been tempted by more than one offer—oh, have I been tempted!—but I always remember that being true to yourself is more important than a big, fat, waddling paycheck. I spurn thee, big, fat, waddling paycheck! And thy implications of societally approved success! I am instead committed to Inner Fabulousness, the kind which an extremely limited number of people is keen enough to perceive, a sort of imperceptible glow, a “twinkle”, a “halo”, even; the kind that is, like a MasterCard, priceless, rare, valuable, inimitable, and organized to implement! Yes, try, oh denizens of corporate slavery, to inter my soul into your crepuscular cubbyhole of materialistic heathendom, and reap the consequences of your machinations!

RRRR!!!!


Well, there’s always Hooters.