I would very much like to write the following e-mail:

To: everyone I work with
From: R.
Subject: I apologize for any furture spelling smistakes in my emails

Dear All: It has reacently come to my attention that I spend fart oo much time editing emails. Even though I am the ASSistant editor with our company and my job is to meticulously edit our materials, and I do in fact pride myself in my ability to cath the tiniest of erors lilke an extra superscripted space or a period in the wrong font, i feel that in order too do my job as efficiently as possible, I need to eliminate this unnecessary and incredibly time-consuming elemnet of my work fprocess. From her eon out, please disregard any speling mistakes in any emails I send -knowing that i am fully aware of every aparently neglected homophone or unhyphenated prefix or any other misktae myou might concieve ably find in any of my further commmunications.

Thanks .r



We editors dream of such things.

It’s tough being an editor, let me tell you. It’s like being a vegetarian. Everybody feels subconsciously threatened by a presumed superiority on your part and tries to find any possible way to cut you down to size. Can you believe all the mean, little people out there!?!?

By the way, I saw Spiderman 2 the other day and I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised and even perhaps a wee bit inspired. Spiderman, in this movie, faces a choice that every citizen must make—whether to participate actively in the betterment of one’s community, or to say, “It’s not my problem.” Endowed with superhuman capabilities—and really, when we truly look in our heart of hearts, haven’t we all more than we think is humanly possible—Spiderman embraces his civic duty with idealistic fervor, only to cast it aside in favor of selfish pursuits. But then! He realizes that being a hero is in and of itself worthy and necessary, and that it requires a sacrifice that must be taken at all costs despite the fact that every other twit on the face of the planet seems free to wallow in self-absorption without consequences. And then he beats Doctor Octopus and gets the girl!!!

If we could all have just a little bit of Spidey in us, the world would be a better place. (Cue weepy, melodramatic score as overwrought and formulaic movie comes to a close, closeup of hero kissing heroine, kissy noises, and groans from the roommies. “Now why do they have to ruin a good action movie with this crap?” asks my boyfriend, who wouldn’t know a romantic moment from a laundry hamper (he is equally ignorant of both) even if I labeled them clearly and placed them in PLAIN VIEW.)

But that’s ok, we all have our strong points! Just like Spiderman 2.

In other news, I had to fight off the urge today to write in a nice little note to Barnes & Noble about how much I enjoyed my experience in their store. Being an active, involved consumer is so addictive! Maybe it's because it’s easier to get Target to listen to you than the government because they have an incentive to cater to you, thereby reinforcing our I me me my economy and more importantly my sense of accomplishment.

But their armchairs are seriously cushy. And the classical music they play makes me feel like I’m performing some kind of intellectual endeavor just by being there! It almost made me want to buy some Godiva. Almost. But I’m not going to fall for any of that cross-promotional, co-branding bullsh*t. I’m much too cynical for that. And besides, I heard on ♥NPR♥ that Godiva’s not even that good.

But I may write them yet.