I have been contracted to write an article about poo.

It better not be Google-able.

You know, just in case someone from my high school happens to Google my name. I'd prefer that the next time a Laguna Beach HS alum wonders what I've been up to, writing articles about poo isn't the answer.

And don't tell me you don't make career choices based on what someone from your high school might find if they happened to Google your name.

For your information, the article is actually about "body cleanses."

Aka "colon cleanses."

Aka POO.

Ack.

You have no idea how disgusting this is to research. Actually I bet you can guess. Just imagine thinking about poo non-stop for three hours. And intestinal parasites. And fecal encrustation. Are you totally grossed out yet???

I am.

But I'm also thinking, is this one of those articles where actually experiencing the subject would improve the discussion thereof? Because, reading all this, you're kind of like, gee, how clean is my colon?

Then again, considering that the colon processes shit, how clean could it be?

Well, I'll tell you. As soon as I'm done with this article.

All I know at this point is that the guy who played Paris Hilton's love interest in her video for "Stars Are Blind" (yeah yeah I watched the making of the music video you know you would have too if you hadn't been watching True Hollywood Story: Hillary Duff) said that when they called him up about the opportunity to be in the vid, he was in the middle of a colonic. Which is sort of a disgusting thing for such a good-looking person to say, in my opinion. But if someone who has kisssed Paris can announce on national television that has gets poo-lonics, then it's definitely worthy of my attention.

Omg, I am so grossed out right now.